Christy Punchcog

Christy Punchcog is a Mechagon mechagnome located in Rustbolt on Mechagon Island.

She promised Smiles Cracklekey new hands.

• Adapt, Improve, Overcome!
• First One's Free
• Iteration is Key
• Upgraded
• Waste Not (Mechagon)

...

I don't want to be rude, but have you considered extensive mechanization as an alternative to your current state?

I assure you, there is vast room for improvement in almost every way.

When you've already hit rock bottom...

• The pocket-sized computation device is very customizable. You can insert a punch card into one of the slots on it, and the cards will modify the performance you get.
• I based the design on King Mechagon's own personal device. You can even use his punch cards, if you can get one.

• Your eyesight is average. That is to say, unacceptable.
• We should replace them with fully mechanical visual scanning devices that can be upgraded via remote software upgrades every week.

• Your skin is fine, but it could be incredible.
• I recommend you reinforce it with some sort of... sentient elastic metal... that I'm trying to... invent as I say... this sentence...
• <Christy's face contorts as she struggles to think harder before letting out a massive exhale.>
• Nope, didn't get it. Check back with me tomorrow. It'd be a terrific upgrade for you!

• Imagine your arms... but, now, instead of arms... they're FLAMETHROWERS!

• You are slower than a motorcycle.
• Let's replace your entire lower half with a big ol' motorcycle.
• We can make it whatever color you want. We'll get in all the science journals.
• You want to pop wheelies while you're chasing down bad guys? I'm in! Let's do this!

• You and your 29 best friends should install connective brain implants that allow you to strategize, gossip, and occasionally insult each other at all times, no matter where you are!
• If you go for the super-deluxe edition, you can even transmit hilarious photographs to each other!

• As you know, I strongly believe that most things can be improved through technology...
• But in your case, I believe it's actually ALL things.
• Let's start at the bottom and work our way up.
• How attached, would you say, are you to those feet?

• I've never recommended a full head replacement before... but maybe this is the time to try it.

• You look tired. You should install energy cells around your heart.
• That way, when it needs a break, just power it down and have the energy cells take over and power your body until your heart comes back online.
• You'll need to remove some organs to make room for al the energy cells, but I'm sure we could replace most of those with smaller mechanical versions too.

• say

• say

I'm going to be blunt, your existence here is quite suspect!

Either you are an agent of King Mechagon, or you have impressive mechanization that I am unaware of.

Either way, I will be watching you very closely.